Only a mother truly knows what tiredness feels like. It’s the feeling like none other and honestly, it is hard to explain. Any tired person is considered useless but a tired mama can still run and manage a household. It may not be the tidiest house, the kids may be cranky, and the laundry and dishes are probably way overdue, but a tired mama can still run. Tonight I am that tired mama. My little sunshine is already in bed and I keep telling myself I should go to bed too (especially since I don’t have the greatest sleeper every night) but then I think of all the things I want to get done since he’s finally asleep. My husband is away this week for work so my evenings are a bit different.
Exhaustion is real. It hurts. And it leaves you completely worn out either by the beginning of your day or by the end of it. There were many days when E was a tiny newborn and I hardly slept more than three hours a night. I remember the mornings I’d wake up with a headache and go to bed with a headache. The struggle was very real and extremely exhausting. But you know what? I never gave up. I knew that as a mama I had to keep going for my little guy and he needed all of me, even if I felt I couldn’t give him every bit of me. I wanted to but I didn’t have all of the energy I usually had.
I wanted to live off of caffeine. Somedays I still want to do that. But it only backfires because E will get all of the aftermath from the caffeine and we’ll be back to square one with no sleep. He’s doing much better and this mama is getting more sleep. The weeks my husband goes away are the toughest. I lose a lot of sleep either because I’m restless at night, I try and avoid going to sleep all alone, or I’m just tired because I’m not only mom but I’m also “dad” and that is exhausting. I know why it takes two to raise a kiddo. I definitely feel Samuel’s absence when he’s gone and gosh, I miss it.
But as long as it’s before midnight tonight, I’m going to snuggle up next to my little cuddler and call it a night and enjoy some z’s myself.
Goodnight world. And this is normal, right mamas? Lack of sleep is just another aspect of motherhood I hear.