No, I’m Not Okay

It’s okay to not be okay, right? Then why do we live in an age where everyone has to have it all together? Because let’s be real, when that old lady at Wal-Mart asks how you’re doing and you say, “fine thanks” you’re a BIG FAT liar. Heck, I haven’t showered in how many days? I haven’t had a full night of sleep in months, I have food on my shirt and dried up breast milk on my shoulder from burping a baby and then rocking him to sleep for the 100th time last night. And then I walk through the store and smile at every stranger and say I’m fine when asked. Why am I afraid to say I’m not okay? Because of the judgment that comes along with it. I’m afraid of criticism and what everyone else out there would say or think if I truly said what’s on my heart.

Let’s be real for a second. I can’t even go to the bathroom alone without a little human being on all fours chasing after me. Sometimes I barely finish peeing before tiny hands pull up on my leg. Don’t get me wrong. I love my son. I love him to death, all the way around the world, to the moon and back, but sometimes mommy needs a moment to breathe. And so when I either go to church or the store and that random little old lady asks how I’m doing and I say “fine, thank you” I’m a liar. I’m not always fine. In fact, most times I’m not fine at all. My husband has a crazy work schedule. I can count on one hand the amount of days I’ve seen him the past couple of months. That doesn’t make me feel okay. I haven’t styled my hair in months. I take a quick shower, brush out the tangles, throw the dead hair in the toilet, and put it back up in a bun. By the end of the day my hair is falling out, it’s frizzy, and an unmanageable mess. I’m not okay.

I’m sorry but what if I start saying, “no, I’m not okay. I need help!” Wouldn’t that be the honest truth? But is that what people really expect to hear? Or would the little old lady at Wal-Mart be shocked? What about church people? It’s okay to need help, mama. It’s okay to NOT have it all together because quite honestly, none of us have it together. I can’t even figure out who I am most days and after being around myself for 23 years, you’d think I’d have it somewhat together.

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to say you can’t do this anymore. It’s okay to feel inadequate and weak because in your weakness Jesus is strong. He wants us to feel broken so he can mend, heal, and repair what’s been broken. I have to remind myself this all the time. I can’t be “mom enough”. I can’t do it all on my own and expect to have the perfect life. You know why? Once I have something somewhat figured out, another area of my life will fail and I’ll be back at the beginning with all my little messes.

If you’re feeling low, weak, and incompatible today, it’s okay mama. Crawl to the corner for a second (I know, it sounds impossible but you need it!), cry to Jesus for help, and the next time someone offers to help you, take it. Accept the help. A tired and a weak mama can’t focus on her babies. She needs the strength of Jesus and maybe that little old Wal-Mart lady is your hand to Jesus this week!

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2 thoughts on “No, I’m Not Okay

  1. I TOOOOTALLY get it!!! Been there. Done that…closet full of t-shirts!!! Lol!!! Take it from a now mother of a 13&14 year old… It seems like yesterday, they were pulling me out of the bathroom too. It goes by SOOOOO fast!!! Try to find the strength to enjoy every beautiful and seemingly horrific moment. Each phase gets easier with time. Be sure to enjoy you much needed and well deserved, intentional time away/alone time. I love that you are connected to God. I love your candid reflection. Keep it real. You got this gal!!! 😊

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    1. Harper, thank you SO much for your comment and your encouragement. It’s also so helpful and uplifting to know that there are other mamas out there who TOTALLY get it! 🙂 I’m actually getting 1 whole hour to myself tomorrow!!! I get to enjoy the beauty of getting a haircut and I’m so excited already!! lol. Thanks for visiting my site. Blessings to you mama!

      Liked by 1 person

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