The Problem with My Son

Mamas, do you ever feel judged or almost to the point of being condemned? And when you really think about it, the reason is because of something you’re failing to bring across or “fix” as a mama. You see, my son is almost 10 months old and when you google “ten month old baby” one of the first recommended search options that comes up is “ten month old baby sleeping”. Immediately I feel the urge to click on those sites and read up on a bit of that information. Well before long, I feel judged, pressured, and criticized and I’m the only one giving myself those feelings. Because the truth is, my baby DOES NOT sleep through the night yet. In fact, he’s only ever slept through the night maybe 2 or 3 times. And you know what? When he did those all-night-sleeping-alone, I missed him terribly. I woke up maybe 10 times just to check on him!

So my son doesn’t sleep through the night. He still wants to nurse at least 2 times during the night. He still wants to cuddle. He still wants to feel mama’s skin. He still needs mama next to him. He still needs mama. But when I hear about other babies already sleeping through the night at 2 months old and being on a rigid schedule from 7pm-7am, a little bit of pressure builds up inside of me and also this spirit of “what the heck am I doing wrong?” It almost gets to the point that I think I need to just let him cry at night. And so the other night he woke up at 11:30pm and I was still up. I decided to let him cry. After 20 minutes I couldn’t take it anymore. I was getting frustrated and my heart ached so bad. I wanted to go in the room and save him. But instead, a little voice in my head kept telling me, “No, if you get him now he’ll never learn. He’ll be 10 years old and still going through this struggle of falling asleep alone!” And so I tried to ignore him for a little while longer. Midnight pushed through and he was still up and screaming even louder. I finally had enough, pushed those thoughts out of my mind and grabbed my baby. Mamas, this truly broke my heart. My little man grabbed my shirt, dug his face in my neck, sobbed from the bottom of his soul and fell right to sleep. We crawled into bed together and cuddled the rest of the night.

He’s not ready. I’m not ready! So the problem with my son is that I’m not ready. I’m not ready to give up those nighttime feedings. I’m not ready to have him sleep alone and in another room. I’m not ready to say goodbye to my baby. I need him to be baby a little while longer before I’m ready. I don’t care about the criticism anymore. I don’t care about the pressure anymore. I just care about having a happy baby who feels safe and loved.

And for me and my little dude, we are happiest when we can cuddle and sleep together. Because honestly, I never heard of a 20 year old still sleeping with mama. It just won’t happen. These days are short and seldom and I want them to last as long as I can help it.

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7 thoughts on “The Problem with My Son

  1. Don’t feel bad!! People are so quick to rush to get their kids to sleep through the night that they miss that ‘bonding’ time during the night. My baby slept through the night after a while and wants nothing to do with me at night. I want to cuddle and love on him.. And I miss him.

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    1. Dici, thank you so much for this encouragement! Sometimes it gets a little rough when you hear so many different opinions on how a baby should sleep. My little one has been sleeping with me since day one and that’s what he’s used to. And honestly, when he’s next to me, I sleep best! I guess it works both ways 😉 Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

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  2. By the way, my baby won’t sleep or cuddle with me, but my almost 9 year old would still sleep with me if we let him. He slept with us until he was almost 5 and he still does when his daddy goes into work early (2 am) in the morning. I don’t see anything wrong with it!! 🙂

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  3. My son would not sleep through the night, and still wakes up once at night (he’s 5!). Don’t let other people make you feel like you’re not doing something right or like he’s not doing what ‘he’s supposed to do’. My son slept in a baby swing until 10 months old because of sever reflux. Every kiddo is different. 🙂

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    1. Erica, thank you so much for the encouragement! It is seriously so helpful when other moms speak out and say they know exactly what it feels like to not have a sleeping baby!!! I don’t think this will last forever so I will treasure the moments now…even though sometimes it is tiring!

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  4. My toddlers still sleep with me. They’re 3 and 5. I know it won’t last forever – or probably even much longer – so I enjoy it. People constantly talk about how weird cosleeping is, but it’s really only weird in America. It’s normal in other parts of the world.

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    1. Missy,

      I agree! My mom is from Germany and I recently made a visit over there. Almost everyone I met up with didnt think twice about the fact that my son and I share a bed. I think it’s a beautiful and sweet thing. Plus I sleep way better when my baby is right next to me!

      Thanks for visiting my blog!

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